Who The Bleep Did I Marry!
by Ad Hominem Argument
Summary: Titled after the hit Investigation Discovery channel show, what happens when a spouse finds themselves consumed by the emotion of one of the seven deadly sins? Their spouse quickly finds themselves wondering, 'Who The Bleep Did I Marry!" *Smut central* Themes include three-some and peeping Tom. EXPLICIT! A fun take on what happens when the seven deadly sins get smutty!


**Who The Bleep Did I Marry?!**

**Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me in any capacity. Ichabod Crane, Lieutenant Abbie Mills, and cast belong to Washington Irving and Fox.**

**A/N- This story, based on the Seven Deadly Sins is a one-shot series for the challenge on Destiny's Gateway. It will be posted on that website as well. ****I'm going to try to tie in the next sin in the last couple of sentences of the chapter but no promises though! ****I'm also responding to the challenge with another series for Castle entitled, 'Seven Forbidden Fruits.' Feel free to go check that out as well! **

**Please don't forget, my other story 'Something More', may be lacking in the update department while I'm trying to juggle these. I don't plan on it but with everything else going on my time may be stretched pretty thin.**

**R&R please **

**xXx**

**Lust**

**Lust : Lust or lechery is an intense desire. It is usually thought of as excessive sexual want; however, the word is a general term for desire. **

**XxX**

**Westchester County Police Department, Cir. Two years ago**

It had started… Again. Well, it had started a couple of times since he had first laid eyes on her, this new addition to the force, but it had always started out this way. He would watch her across the room; his eyes would follow her every movement like a hawk's. He would study her as a predator learns his prey. Every pose was familiar to him, he knew that when she rubbed her forehead and repeated the last statement made that she was royally pissed, to the point of pulling out her service weapon and taking care of business. The many nuts and bolts that complicatedly compiled her entire being was so deliciously sexy that she often took his breath away. And it had only been six months. How was he supposed to survive any longer when she had him on the verge of weeping from wanting her so badly? She was all sweet smile, wide eyes, bad ass attitude, and a gun. Wrapped in one little package that stood barely 5 feet tall.

Presently, she stands across the bullpen facing him, backside resting against her desk. He gives her an approving look from head to toe, drinking in everything about her. He feels as if she's standing in a supremely confident manner, her whole posture screaming, _I know I look good _just to taunt him. To let him know that she knows he finds her attractive_. _She wears her trademark black boots; boots that come mid-calf and have an at least four inch heel. Her jeans, curve hugging and also black, leave little of her sweet, sweet ass to the imagination. However she can't help it, this he knows. Her body is built like a brick house. She recently had started to layer Oxfords with vests underneath her customary black leather bomber jacket. He wonders if the jacket has some significance to her seeing as she is rarely seen without it, whether it hangs from the back of her chair or it's on her person. Today is no different and it is driving him batshit insane. The deep red of her Oxford is absolutely sinful against her skin complexion, the top two buttons she left undone gave him a glimpse of the black lace bra she'd worn underneath, the back of the color peeking through. Jesus. She is completely oblivious to the way his narrowed gaze follows her around the room; that or she has developed immunity to it. He surmises that works in his advantage because he doesn't know her well enough to get caught drooling every time she chances a glance in his direction. The few times they'd happen to lock eyes before he was fast enough to look away, he'd seen it in her eyes too. The lust. She wanted him just as badly as he wanted her.

Reaching behind her for a file, her hair –which she'd worn down for him, he just knows it- comes to rest on her shoulder. She bites her perfectly glossed lip and skims the page, still ignoring him. He had to find out her problem. Maybe she deals with her lust just as poorly as he does and it manifests itself in the form of irritation. Or maybe she is genuinely irritated with being watched and lusted after like a piece of meat. Either way, she has a job to do and does it well. Her almond shaped eyes bob up and down as she reads.

Sighing loudly, he shifts in his chair, neglecting his own file that has laid untouched for some time in front of him. It was a quiet day at the station and they each have had time to catch up on their reports, which gives him a reason to slack off and watch her. Boy what he wouldn't give to have her bobbing up and down in front of him… _Stop it_, he chides himself_ and get some work done. _He can't focus, the urge to go over to her and take her in his arms is too strong. He can't remember the last time, if ever, he wanted a woman so badly. Deciding now is a good time for coffee; he stands with a growl, rolls his neck and walks in the opposite direction from her towards the coffee pot. Taking three tries, -he either poured too much causing it to spill over or poked holes in the cup because he was grabbing it to hard- he pours the tar colored liquid into the Styrofoam cup and takes a sip chancing a glance over his shoulder at her. Still biting that lip and reading. It was her mouth that did him in most of the time. The things he imagined she could do with it, do to him with it, were often times to much for his imagination and he found himself reaching for a cup of ice water or taking a long hard run. Unable to take a run now, the water would do him no good right now, he takes a no cautionary gulp, wanting to run his tongue along that lip of hers and pull it out with his own teeth. Shit. He opens his mouth over his cup and lets it fall out his mouth. Not only is it cold, he scrapes his tongue along the bottom of his two front teeth, but it also tastes like battery acid. In fact, the small amount he'd accidentally swallowed burns a little where it went down his esophagus.

"Why can I never get a fresh cup of coffee?" He yells loudly to no one in particular causing a few heads to turn in his direction. He chances a look at her. With an amused grin due to his outburst she wets her thumb and turns the page. She knows what she is doing to him. She has to, how could she not. Apparently done with her file, she pushes herself off the edge of her desk and walks towards the captain's office without so much a backwards glance at him. He turns to make a fresh pot when he realizes she isn't returning from the office anytime soon.

**XxX**

**Westchester County Police Department, Present Day**

He stalks over to her and drops a file on her desk. It's been two years and she still makes him mad with lust. It's a daily battle of will, not to take her against the desk in the middle of their shifts right here in the bull pen. She is a walking sex symbol that he daily wants to bow down and worship, but instead he finds reasons to pick fights, get her all worked up so he can imagine what she looks like all hot and bothered.

"Something wrong Morales?" She doesn't look up from her computer, not bothering to give in to his daily display of idiocy. He glares at her, unable to speak, the rage of lust coursing too violently through his veins, knowing he has no reason to be angry in the first place. She smiles, not sweetly, but not entirely lustily, and he explodes.

"What do you think Lieutenant? I'm so sick of your attitude. Day in and day out you continually…" She wipes spittle from her face and raises an eyebrow at him. He realizes she must think he's a raging lunatic but he doesn't care, he has to get his tension out somehow and if he has to make himself look like an ass to do it, then so be it. Her sweater, soft black cashmere, rises slightly in the back, giving him a view of the delectable looking skin above her pant line, as she reaches for a file from the edge of her desk, not bothering to give him an answer. In the beginning of her employment with the Westchester PD, she'd rage right back at him, tell him he was an idiot and often ask him how he managed to become employed by the state of New York. She yawns and the thoughts going through his mind are so purely sinful that he momentarily forgets why he's angry. A crack of thunder and a flash of lightening capture both their attentions and they turn to the window to watch the storm clouds move in.

She turns back to him, sliding the simple gold cross that hangs from her neck back and forth, seemingly lost in thought. She had begun to do that often, especially since the weird ass Professor Oxford had shown up. At first, he thought they were sleeping together and that in and of itself created a whole slew of problems but he realized that they were nothing more than colleagues, their relationship as close to sibling as to non blood related people could get. Which meant, he doesn't have to hurt Ichabod Crane and he still had a chance with her.

"I love storms." The way her mouth makes a perfect circular "O" when she says the "_or" _in storms makes him twitch in an extremely sensitive area. It takes him a second to compute that she's begun speaking again his mind is in the deep, dark closet where she is his and he can do whatever he wants to to that sweet little body of hers.

"Even if I have to be stuck at my desk all day, I do love the storms." She gives him a small wink and he neglects all the anger that he had moments ago been raging inside him and leans down next to her ear. He swears her feels her shiver and smiles in victory.

"You know what I love?" He begins moving her hair behind her ear. She offers a word, more like an uttered squeak, in reply. "I love to make love during rainstorms. Hot. Passionate. Rough." His hand brushes her arm and he leans in slightly further. Her body is humming with it; he can feel it from the casual brush against her arm. God he wants her underneath him so badly he almost pulls her from her chair to take her somewhere private.

"Detective." She whimpers looking around. It's quiet at the station house today and he's thankful for it, not that it would prevent him doing exactly as he is now. He's waited long enough to just get this close to her. She looks on the verge of panic. She grips the arms of her chair, small fingers flexing and relaxing continually.

"This is extremely inappropriate. You're making me…" He nips her earlobe silencing her and she bites her lip and closes her eyes. He needs to calm down or this will all end right here without either of them getting the amount of delicious friction they both have wanted for so long.

"Tell me." He reaches down and places a hand on her knee. "Have you wanted me for as long as I've wanted you?"

"Since the first day we met." She moans leaning up to gaze into his lust filled eyes. That's it. He grabs her hand and pulls her to her feet and before she has a chance to register what indeed has transpired, or lose her confidence, she's in a hall bathroom and he's flipping the lock. He's advancing on her predatorily, chest heaving from both lust and practically carrying her to the bathroom, and she's backing away until she meet the handicapped bar in the stall.

"Luke." Her voice is a whisper even to her own ears and she cradles his cheek, each looking at him, unsure of where to go. He's wanted her for so long he's not sure his own body can respond the way he thought it would. So much for making her writhe and scream. Her hand trembles lightly on his cheek and the way she's gazing up at him makes him think she's waiting for him to make the move. Fair enough, he did yank her from her chair and into the bathroom. Currently however, his body is playing dead and his mind is stuck on stupid and he's pretty sure they're going to spend this entire amount of time staring at each other until someone needs to pee and finds a janitor because the door is locked and the bathroom is empty.

She stands on tiptoes and gazes into his eyes as she licks her lips. "Luke?" He hears the question on her lips and falters. Has he waited too long? Is she about to tell him to forget it? Or, is she making sure he's going to make a move. Option three. Definitely that one.

"Stay with me." She laughs and kisses him deeply, her tongue darting out between her soft, luscious lips to come and play with his. Her kiss spurs him into action and he takes her hips, gently exploring her mouth. Savoring, not devouring. She breaks the kiss for air and offers him her throat which he willingly tastes. She's grinding into him and his eyes cross, he knew she'd be a sex goddess, he's just sad he doesn't have a bed to pay proper homage to her. She cups him through his jeans and grips his chin.

"Bored?" The Abbie Mills attitude is in full force and he offers a shamed smirk. "Think we can get a few rounds in before someone starts looking for us?" A clap of thunder that rattles the old building delays his response. He gapes at her. Who is this woman he's been lusting after?

"Rounds?" He emphasizes the S. "As in, rounds. More than one. Non singular?" She giggles and slowly, teasingly, unzips his jeans. He starts to unbuckle his belt when her hands cover his.

"No." She winks. "I'm going to go talk to him, mano-a-mano." That shouldn't turn him on as much as it does but he feels his cock twitch in reply. She stares up at him boldly as she deftly drops to her knees and frees him from his boxers. His head hangs back and all he can think is that his lustful fantasies about Abigail Mills are coming true. She's on her knees in front of him in the bathroom at work, while on the clock with nothing but his dick hanging out his pants for fun.

"Ay dios mio." He breathes on a grateful sigh when her tongue flicks the tip. She places a kiss on his shaft and when she winks up at him, he springs to action. Wrapping her fingers around his base she moans as she works her way up his shaft with her tongue.

"I wonder if anyone saw me drag you in here." She clucks her tongue against the roof of her mouth with him still inside it and the vibrations makes him jump against her cheek.

"Focus Morales." She chuckles then proceeds with her ministrations. Squeezing his balls, she sucks on his tip causing him to arch his back against the wall. She tries to grin with a mouthful of him and wraps her hand tightly around his base. She hums against him, a hum that turns into a deep guttural moan when he wraps a fistful of her hair in his hand and yanks hard.

"You… Don't…" She doesn't give him time to finish because as soon as she feels his body begin to tremble she quickens her pace and once he begins to consistently yank on her hair she flicks her tongue once more and tastes him. She swallows what he offers and looking up at him she licks her lips with a wink.

"Guess you aren't bored huh?" She says this with a cocky grin and it serves to make him stiff and aching for her. This is a bad idea, he thinks as he pulls her up roughly. He realizes he's never going to get enough of her. Only one thing he can do at present though.

"I've waited so long to be able to take you." He growls as he positions her face first against the cold tile of the bathroom wall. She leverages herself with the handicap bar and when he goes to unbutton her jeans, his lust causes him to pop the button clean off.

"God damn it, these are my favorite jeans. They make my ass look good." She growls back at him. He gives her rear a hard smack and nips her earlobe. He can't help himself so he smacks again, causing her to whimper out his name.

"Please." She whispers trying to grind into him. He ignores her pushing her jeans down her slim hips to come to rest at the tops of her boots. He takes in the sight of her round, very round ass in the skimpy little thong and offers a generous smack.

"Someone… will… hear…" She breathes clearly turned on. She reaches behind her and grabs his hand. Using his hand to slide her thong to the side she runs his index finger along her folds then runs then along her bottom lip. He lets out an unmanly squeak.

"Jesus Christ Abbie." She sucks on his fingers then slides them down to the throbbing area again.

"Inside me Luke. Please." She grips the rails letting him control his own hand.

"You're begging Abs, it's not attractive." He teases dipping in and out of her opening. She's so open and ready for him he's tempted to take her now but he knows that in order to prevent it from ending as quickly as his first one did he needs to take his time. Instead, he strokes her clit slowly, sucking on the side of her neck. With his other hand he strokes himself, deliriously turned on by what they are doing.

"Three years is a long time," She leans her head back against his chin and looks up at him through lust hazy eyes. She bites her lip and swivels her hips trying to take him in deeper. Her hair brushes against his lips. "Wouldn't you say?" She groans when he slips another finger inside and begins to thrust.

"It is a long time." He grits out trying to remain in control. He kisses her, deeply only for her to break the kiss with a breathy, "Oh Luke," and a pout when his fingers leave her feeling empty and craving. Positioning himself at her entrance he gives her the tip, and captures her mouth with his again. With a small thrust he fucks her with just the tip, making her writhe, moan, and whimper against him. She's thrusting back and biting his lower lip and when she begins to shake he realizes that he's dragged this out long enough, they've wasted enough time waiting. Gripping her hips he slams into her not bothering to cover her mouth when she cries out, not hearing when the door handle begins to jiggle, and not responding when someone calls from the other side of the door.

He reaches around her and rubs her clit quickly, pinching it every few seconds to make her jump and clench against him. Their bodies make a slapping noise as both thrust their way to release.

"I'm going to…" She begins her legs shaking with pre release. He too feels his own body begin to lose it and bites her shoulder roughly. He'll apologize later for the teeth marks he knows he's going to leave later. She squeezes her breasts and whimpers, thrusting faster. With a final deep stroke they reach their goal in unison and he grins at her as she looks back at him.

"That was one hell of an orgasm Morales." She says hoarsely.

"Always wondered if I'd get the chance to bestow the favor upon you." He quips giving her a soft peck on the lips. The thunder shakes the building again and she hisses as he pulls out about to complain. That thought dies as he drops to his knees and turns her around to face him.

"You know," She begins as she looks down at him. "It's disgusting out, I bet we can knock off for the day. I do love thunderstorms." She grins. Before he can reply the door the bathroom opens and Crane is calling out, "Lieutenant?"

"I'm fine! Get out!" She laughs knowing he's probably more than embarrassed. She'll deal with him later. She looks at Luke who's looking at her like he's ready for another round.

"When I'm finished." He growls.

**XxX**

Fingers snapping in his face cause him to pause with his mouth over a very sensitive part of her anatomy. A quick tap, tap, tap of the fingers; he blinks.

"What?" Irving stands in front of him with her, the object of his lustful vision. He licks his dry lips to buy his mind time to clear it of the lustful daydream he's just had. Irving sighs noisily.

"Can you, or can you not handle being together in the same precinct or am I going to have to break up yet another stupid argument between the two of you like children?" He shakes his head.

"No sir." They both answer in unison.

"Good. Because I've just placed you on the Paulson case."

"Welcome to my team." He says knowing that soon, very soon she will be on his team in another way. She nods, then grins offering her hand. Irving nods hurriedly.

"I'll leave you two to discuss case notes." They stand in silence until he departs.

"Luke," she breathes, body humming for him. "Someone will eventually catch on if you don't stop watching me like a damn hawk and then picking fights with me because I can't go jump your bones." She all but moans it out, aroused by his angry outburst. He lets out an impatient groan.

"That ass is mine later. I have to pretend I don't know you all day Mrs. Morales." He proudly says her name, giving her a possessive once over.

"Okay, now go." She laughs stepping away and wondering with a delicious throbbing, how gluttonous is my husband?

**A/N-Today is my birthday! Make it great by dropping a line please!**


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